Talk by Satyajit Salian
(With brother Satyajit’s
permission, we are happy to share excerpts from his recent inspiring
Christmas talk in Sai Darshan, Bangalore. Satyajit graduated from the
Brindavan campus of the Sri Sathya Sai University with a B.Sc. in
Chemistry and went on to do his M.Sc. Chemistry and MBA from the
Prashanthi Nilayam campus. He has had the unique good fortune of living
with and directly serving Swami for more than a decade. Currently, he
leads the Vidya Vaahini project in addition to fulfilling his role at
the Sri Sathya Sai Central trust. Besides his proximity to our Lord,
what endears him to everyone is his unassuming humility and simplicity.
As an elder brother, he has always been approachable to the students and
continues to inspire by his sense of dedication to Swami’s work. In
this article, he shares his experiences on how Swami sculpted his life
through His Divine love, and how Swami continues to guide all of us.)
“Dear Brothers and sisters this is a very emotional moment
for me to stand here today as memories flood in of me coming to this
holy temple with Swami. I remember my place was fixed by the stairs
leading up to the stage– I also got an opportunity to go to Swami’s
dining room here on the first floor where Swami has eaten so many
lunches cooked by these loving Mothers.
Today the topic I have
chosen is Sai- the Divine Sculptor – the reason being that I was always
intrigued by the sculpture of Rodin – ‘The Thinker’. I used to wonder,
what he would be thinking about? Perhaps he is thinking about his
creator? Similarly I too am thinking about my sculptor who chose me -
this rock- to make a sculpture out of me. I was just a rock that Swami
picked. My journey started in the year 1991. I was a Mumbai boy, a
typical city boy of that age – I was on my fourth day of B.Sc. Chemistry
in the Sri Sathya Sai University in the Brindavan campus. During
breakfast I whispered to my friend Sai Krishna, “ What is this? We get
only 4 idlis here – at home I used to eat 10 idlis!” After breakfast, we
were sitting for darshan and I was on the 3rd or 4th row Swami walked
straight upto me, looked at me and said something which I could not
follow, I went near and Swami repeated it and everybody behind me
replied, “IDLI!!” in a chorus. I was shocked I thought Swami was asking
what I had eaten for breakfast so I also said, ‘Idli Swami!’ Swami said,
“Kitna idli ?” I was shocked. Sai Krishna and I looked at each other
in horror – Swami said, “Dus idli kha sakta hai ?” (You want to eat 10
idlis?) . I tried to be as diplomatic as ever and said: “No Swami idlis
are very big idlis – nice idlis!” I was fumbling with words, trying to
be my diplomatic best. After this interaction, Swami did not speak to me
for the next 5 years – my sculptor had marked this rock.
Then
after 5 years, Swami came and spoke to me – I was sitting on the Ganesh
Portico as it was called then – it is now the place where the Samadhi
is. Swami walked directly to me amidst bhajans and over the melody of
the bhajans said very loudly in my left ear, “COME WITH ME TO
KODAIKANAL!” I was taken aback and my left ear drum almost burst out – I
could not believe myself and I accompanied Him to Kodai.
One
day, I was walking behind Swami to the dining room in Trayee Brindavan.
One big carton box was there. Swami told me to check what was in it. I
opened one flap of it and saw that there were some pickle bottles there.
I said, “Swami pickles.” Swami said, “Be careful – your shirt will
become red”. I opened one bottle and closed it thinking, see I can
handle these – I am quite careful and efficient as well. We went inside
the dining room and on our way back Swami again pointed the box and
asked what was there inside the box. I again said, “Pickles swami.”
Swami told me to check so I opened the other flap and I saw that there
were some tomato sauce bottles also on the other side of the box. I can
never forget those plastic red bottles with white caps. Swami asked what
it was, I said, “This is tomato sauce swami.” Swami asked, “What?” as
if He didn’t know what tomato sauce was. So I explained to Him that
tomato sauce means, “Tomato chutney Swami.” And I opened the cap to show
it to swami. No sooner I opened the cap I was shocked because I have
seen only Thumbs-Up and Coca Cola fizz out like that. I had no idea that
sauce could fizz like that and mess my whole white shirt. Soon my whole
shirt was red and covered with sauce. I turned and saw that Swami was
blissfully laughing and saying, “I told you that your shirt will become
red, so I told you to be careful. I didn’t say that it would be pickle
or sauce – see it is all red now!”
Another day, Swami told me to
sit in the car with Him. We were going for a drive near the Brindavan
campus. I ran and jumped into the car and I sat next to Swami in the
back seat. On the way Swami asked in Hindi, “Swami se kya dekh sakta
hai?” (What do you want to see from Swami?) I said, “I want only Swami.”
Swami said, “Krishna maangta hai, Rama Maangta hai kya maangta hai?”(
You want to see Rama, Krishna – what do you want from swami?). I said,
“I want only Swami”. He then asked, “Narasimha dekhne ko maangta hai?”
(Do you want to see the Narasimha avatar). I quickly said, “No Swami!”
Swami kept on pestering. Then I decided to say something non
controversial and said, “Vishwaroopa darshan Swami.” (I want to see your
Vishwaroopa Darshan). I was thinking at that moment what could have
Krishna shown to Arjuna that transformed him or did Krishna transform
Arjuna’s vision that he started seeing the same things differently – all
those thoughts were going on then in the mind of the 22 year old boy
who knew nothing other than chemistry. Swami kept His hand out from the
window, his palm was towards the sky and He said, “Roz dekhta hai – phir
bhi poochta hai” ( he sees everyday but still he is asking). Last 15
years I have been looking at the sky and trying to understand what Swami
was trying to show that day. Then we returned back to Brindavan. There
was a small bridge in the campus and Ratan Lal aunty was standing there.
Swami was walking ahead of us and moving his right hand – I could see
His hand moving from behind. Aunty asked, “Kya hooa Swami – bache ne kya
kiya?” (what happened Swami – what did the child do ?) Swami said,
“Swami ka kam karne ka mouka mila – bolta hai moksha chaiye!”(They are
getting opportunity to do Swami’s work and he is saying he wants
liberation)
Last few months I have been going in and out of
depression – but these memories pull me out – every sentence of His is
loaded with meaning. Now we were in our last year of M.Sc. and we were
all running here and there trying to catch every glimpse of Swami not
knowing which will be our last darshan. One day I was standing near the
erstwhile Ganesh portico when Swami came and asked: “What do you want?” I
said, “I want you swami!”
Swami again said, “Tell me, what do
you want?” I thought to myself that this was the best chance to stamp my
MBA seat so I said, “Swami I want a seat here in MBA!”
Swami
said, “You want MBA ? Then go to the vice chancellor!” and showed me
towards the VC. I then realized that my first answer was right – from
God we must want only God – the moment we want something else He will
send us there.
Another day – it was our routine then around 2.30
– 3 pm we would follow Swami to the interview room and then Swami would
take us for tiffin. That day as I entered the interview room, somebody
whispered that Swami was already there – as I entered I saw Swami in the
form I didn’t want to see – the Narasimha Avatar form! He had a letter
in His hand. Swami looked at me furiously. Sometimes the sculptor uses
the hammer to do the sculpting – especially in those hostel days when we
have lots of energy and no direction. Swami asked, “Where were you?” I
didn’t have the courage to tell Him that I was on time and that Swami
was early! Swami showed me the letter that some people from the hostel
had complained to Swami about me saying that I was so talkative and how
Swami chose me in spite of all this. He said, “Look what people are
talking about you -even the hostel warden is complaining about you”. I
was extremely hurt I fell on my knees and sobbed and cried – I was
sobbing uncontrollably – suddenly Swami just melted like butter. He held
my neck and put my head on His chest – the moment my head touched His
chest my sobbing just vanished – all my pain just vanished and I was at
peace. Swami then took me near His throne and sat there majestically
and I sat at His feet and He asked me, “when you were a kid – did you
not run around naked?” I smiled and said, “Yes swami I might have” Swami
said, “Will you do that now?” I said, “No Swami I won’t do that now.”
Swami said, “See that was your sahaja swabhav then – now you are ashamed
to recollect it. Similarly, your behavior before talking to Swami was
sahaja for that moment; now, after speaking to Swami, that behavior will
no longer be sahaja then why should you be ashamed about it? You did it
because of ajnana(ignorance).” I still remember how lovingly Swami
spoke to me and transformed that rock that day.
Recently, 4 days
after the Mahasmadhi was opened, I was weeping near the Samadhi – but
the moment my head touched the marble slab of the Samadhi, I immediately
stopped crying and felt the same peace I felt that day in the interview
room. Yes, Swami is still very much there with us!
Earlier
during morning I would pray to swami to give morning darshan – I would
plead and request Him saying, “Please Swami, let’s go at least twice a
week for morning darshan. See, people are coming from so far waiting for
your darshan!” Swami said, “Do you know how much this body has worked?”
Hearing this, we were in tears and prayed, “Swami you please rest – we
will do the work and you watch us Swami!”
Once a lady from
Haryana group shouted, “I love you Swami!” Swami said, “Love my words!”
Yes, dear brothers and sisters, we have to love and follow our
sculptor’s words. We have to keep reading. We don’t know when we will
get that single line, that single stroke from our sculptor which will
transform us. Till then we have to keep on reading.
Those last
three trying weeks when Swami was in the hospital – First week, every
day I dreamt of Swami walking around here and there like before. The
next week I dreamt that Swami was lying in the bed not well and in the
last week I stopped getting any dreams of Him. I was very optimistic
till the end but I was sad that Swami was not coming to my dreams and
telling me anything. I hadn’t slept for many days at a stretch and on
23rd April I felt little tired, so I thought of taking a quick nap. No
sooner had I slept for maybe 5 mins I heard Swami’s voice very sharply
like the first time He spoke in my left ear. This time He spoke in my
right ear. Swami said very loudly as if my right ear drum would explode,
“BE CAREFUL!” I woke up with a start and ran to Swami’s room but
something inside me said that this was not good news.
Recently
during the Navarathri, I could not sleep for 10 days. I was in a bad
shape – my beds were never rolled – days and nights I would be awake.
During Swami’s birthday on 23rd Nov, an incident happened which I want
to share. We were busy decorating the jhoola and then a couple of boys
and I lighted diyas and played a bhajan sung by Swami. This is a ritual
that we few boys who were with swami follow since then before starting
the day. This way we get to start the day by listening to His voice. The
bhajan was going on and I dozed off – when I dozed off I heard the
first line and when I woke up I heard the last line so I must have slept
for the whole bhajan. I was very, very tired – I had a dream that I was
lying dead on the floor and Swami was giving my body artificial
breathing with both His hands, “ WAKE UP !” Yes brothers, it is time for
all of us to wake up and carry on His work!
We are very blessed
that we could enjoy and be in the presence of the living God. Those
whose lives He has touched can no longer lead ordinary lives. He has
touched all of us and made our lives extraordinary. It is now our turn
to carry forward the work started by Him. And yes, Brothers we have to
love His words all the time. He is very much with us all the time. His
words will rule the world for the next million years. These memories
will always be with us and energize us whenever we feel low – these
memories will take us ahead. No ordinary lives for us! At the right
time, the sculptor chooses his rock and starts working on it – we have
to wait for our time to be picked by our sculptor - our divine Bhagawan.
(As Compiled by Mrs.Shelly Ghosh)
