-
K. Vinod Cartic
It is said that every spiritual Master
puts his devotees through the crucible of test of faith before He blesses them
with His benediction. As Swami says,
these tests play the same role in a devotee’s life that the goldsmith’s
hammering, melting, annealing and shaping do to the gold. Both the processes
result in the emergence of a shining jewel at the end- one that is a valuable
metal, the other an invaluable character. Both processes are no doubt
associated with tribulations and trials from the perspective of the receiver-
but then who better than the Master goldsmith would know how to form a jewel
better. No wonder then that Swami says “Test is to My taste”.
I recall an incident of severe testing
that we underwent during the period of our stay as waiting boys in Parthi. For
those to whom the term is new, waiting is a period after the official
completion of an academic course during which some students would stay back to
be with Swami. For some this would be a period of living and staying in the
Avatar’s presence, for some, it was a period of waiting to get His guidance,
while others wanted to serve Him directly at Prashanthi Nilayam and awaited
work orders from the Master. The reasons for such waiting were in fact as numerous
as the number of waiting students itself. Most often Swami Himself would tell
the students to wait as He would guide them at a suitable time.
We were about 16 students who had been
blessed with an opportunity to wait for Him. The period of waiting ranged from
a few months to some who had waited for three fourths of a decade. Our lives
literally revolved around Swami and His physical presence. Mornings were marked
by getting up early, some exercise followed by a quick breakfast and rushing
for His darshan. As most of us could chant Vedam/ sing bhajans, we were also
part of the Vedam / Bhajan group respectively and had the double blessing of
voicing His glory loud throated in His presence. Morning arathi would give way to lunch
followed by some small service activity/ individual tasks and we would be back
for afternoon darshans and the evening bhajans and arathi. Dinner and sleep
would follow to awaken us to another beautiful day in His presence. Literally,
bhajan and bhojan were our two fields of specialization in this period of
waiting. Swami was the center and reason of our lives in every sense and we
probably spent more time thinking of Him then than in any other period of our
student life. Life seemed very complete in itself- we were complacent in our
good fortune of living in the Lord’s presence. The accusations of laziness and
lack of initiative that well meaning friends/ relatives/ elders cast was unable
to make any deep impact on our psyches filled with the thrill of His presence.
It was in this atmosphere of peace and
calm in our lives that Swami threw a storm that threatened to rock our lives.
It was the period of Ganesh Chaturthi 2009.
As we went to occupy our places to sing before Him one morning (our places,
as if they belonged to us forever!! ), we were informed by the senior
authorities in Prashanthi Nilayam that Swami had commanded the waiting boys to
sit along with alumni and they would not
be allowed to sing/ chant Vedam in His presence henceforth. This meant that we
would be sitting in one corner of the Sai Kulwant hall away from His direct
glance and having just the possibility of one slight glance during darshan if
Swami took a full round. All chances of interaction with Him would be minimal
(read zero) and we would not even have a ‘fair’ opportunity of giving a letter
to Swami. Not only this, we were also informed that Swami was unhappy with us
and He wanted all the students who were waiting to go out and seek jobs. Swami
would bless them the moment they came back after securing job offers.
It took us an hour or so until after that
morning darshan to realize that this was more than a bad dream- that it was a
command that threatened to throw us far from the physical presence we so much
valued. Our minds took it lightly at first, thinking that Swami must be playing
a prank on us. At its highest state of optimism, we thought that Swami might
probably grant us a personal audience that evening. None of that happened-
neither that day nor in the week ahead. In fact, Swami literally was avoiding
any eye contact with any of the waiting boys. The same students who had enjoyed
His attention over the past few months, were now deprived of the very warmth
that sustained their lives. The cold treatment had begun and we felt like dying
patients from whom oxygen cylinders had been removed. The absence of
darshan and bhajans was not the end- in
a few days time Swami had sent word through the authorities that within 20 days
time, all the waiting boys would have to leave Parthi – either by choice or forcibly!
The ultimatum was loud and clear. Unknowingly, we had earned His wrath even
though we thought that our waiting was an expression of our love , gratitude
and respect for His command.
Was this to be the end of our good
fortune.? Had we done something so objectionable in waiting for Him that we
were to be treated as abhorrable residents in Parthi? Did not Shabari/ Mother
Seeta/ Bharatha/ the Gopalas and Gopikas
all wait for the Lord and thereby win His grace by their faith and
patience? The Lord when in Shirdi had said Saburi (patience) was the crown of
all virtues- He had repeated the same to us many times in Parthi- why then this
sudden calamity befalling us? How could we leave the Lord without getting His
direct command and guidance? The barrage of questions found no convincing
answers even as we stared blankly at the incumbent destiny to befall us - leave
His presence and that too after making the center of our lives upset with us.
There was pain, confusion, and a sense of bewilderment that only Swami could
clarify directly. In obeying His command to wait for His guidance, where and
how had we displeased Him? We struggled vainly within ourselves introspecting
as never before only to find that the deadline of 20 days was fast approaching.
(To be continued in the
next edition of Venugaanam)
(Vinod completed his B.Tech from IIT Madras and did his MBA from Sri
Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, PuttaparthiHe is currently working as
an independent consultant while he spends most of his free time carrying
forward Swami’s directions of starting an orphanage.)
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