-K. Vinod Cartic
The opposite of love is not hatred but indifference. And
here, we were literally ignored by the very Swami, who meant everything to
us. Our plight was like that of the frog
in Ramayana, which was pierced by Rama’s arrow and wailed that it had no refuge
to go to- all its life it used to remember Rama when in distress, to whom was
it to turn now when Rama Himself was inflicting the pain? Our letters,
entreaties and plea had been in vain. Swami had even stopped coming to the side
where we sat and we were left feeling like ‘untouchables’.
It is in the moments of greatest adversity that we often
discover the greatest truths. Its not
because an external teacher suddenly appears to teach it to you; rather the
quest for inner harmony, love and truth becomes so intense that the inner
fountain of knowledge is partially revealed. It is said that Prayer is Man’s
only strength and God’s only weakness. We prayed like never before hoping that
Swami would reverse this decision. After all we had waited hoping for His
guidance and we wanted to leave only after securing the same. All 16 of us would sit in the evening in a
circle and chant His name together. We knew that this could just be our final
desperate attempt and success in this meant everything to us. We thought of Swami almost continually and
prayed like never before. Even the
hardest of rocks would melt with our pleas…or so we imagined!!
For in spite of all of this , there was no respite at
Prashanthi Nilayam. We tried showing a card to Swami on one of the days. Swami
just feigned anger and stormed away with our letters. Our prayers had the mixture
of pleas, confusion, faith and the demand of a righteous child with its mother.
Yet , it seemed to have failed to evoke His compassion. In its adamancy, the
child hastens to achieve its objective failing to recognize that the mother
tests it only to confirm its sense of constancy of purpose. How hard hearted
could this Lord be, we wondered, in our childish immaturity?
2 days were left for D-day. In 2 days, we would have to pack
our bags and leave forcibly, having failed to convince the Lord that we needed
Him. That evening after we had finished our group prayers, one of us opined
that before we left, we would express our love and gratitude to Swami. It is
said that in true Love, you give the other person what they want and not just
take what you like. In this case, probably, what Swami wanted from us was
distance. However painful it might be for us, it was our bounden duty to
fulfill the requirement of our beloved Lord. In a card drawn with tears in our
eyes and heaviness in the heart, we wrote all of our feelings saying that while
we valued His presence the most, we would move away if that was His final
decision. We were like fish who were being asked to live without water, but we
would try and do the same for we loved Him. That night, as we kept the card before
His image, there was a strange sense of peace that enveloped us. (Maybe, Swami
had helped us learn an important lesson in love----give the beloved what they
truly need, even if it means the sacrifice of all that you hold dear).
The next day, we sat in darshan with the card – tears in our
eyes, but peace in our hearts --- the peace that comes from knowing that there
was nothing more that we could do. Lo and Behold- Swami who had literally
forgotten the path where we used to sit suddenly decided to come that way. We
seized the chance and even as He came near in His chair, we jumped towards Him
with the card hoping to express what we wanted to. But the lump in our throats
would not let us speak and the tears in our eyes betrayed what we had written.
No words were spoken, just silence reigned. Swami looked one moment at the
card, then at our eyes and then we experienced that feeling that happens so
rarely. It is said the most beautiful moment is the one where you see your
beloved smile and cry(with joy) at the same time. Swami’s eyes became moist
even as He smiled at us and said: “Sing
from Tomorrow. Sit in front.” Even before we understood the profundity of
His love and mercy, He had gone past us. We were too dazed to even fully
understand what had happened. Fellow students and teachers and authorities came
and congratulated us on managing to convince Swami that we be permitted to stay
with Him. Even as we tried to digest the moment, we knew that this was not our
victory- it was a victory of love seeking the beloved. Later that evening, we got to know from some
of the officials that while Swami seemed to be ignoring us completely, inside
Yajur Mandir, He would enquire of us even individually and was taking much
interest in our profile cards. He had
specifically instructed the authorities to keep this a secret.
Next morning, when Swami came out for darshan, we were
eagerly and emotionally waiting to sing His name loud throatedly again. Swami
came and asked many of us to sing repeatedly. The grand finale was the
benediction that He gave telling nearby authorities that ‘These are My boys”.
The test no doubt had been severe. The benediction and grace
that finally ended it were equally plentiful. There was at least 2 very
specific lessons that I learnt from the whole episode:
1.
Faith and patience have tremendous
power to achieve the seemingly impossible
2.
The greatest sign of love is
sacrifice for the pleasure of the beloved. Such love when it combines with
faith and patience can win His grace and achieve miracles.
The test that many of us today are faced with is also quite
similar, though a notch higher in severity. The physical form of our Lord seems
to be missing and many of His promises seem unfulfilled. Whenever, I feel
depressed, I try and recall this incident and its message. Soon, there is a
huge sense of hope- I know that His ways are mysterious – what it takes is
sincere love, childlike faith in His words and sincere patience on our part to
win His grace and be fortunate to witness what we all along have been praying
for. Its not a question of can He do
it--- for He is omnipotent. Its more a question of do we have that love, faith
and patience to evoke His grace and omnipotence to work the seeming
impossibility?
(Vinod completed his B.Tech from IIT Madras and did his MBA from Sri
Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, PuttaparthiHe is currently working as
an independent consultant while he spends most of his free time carrying
forward Swami’s directions of starting an orphanage.)
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